The Waiting Game

Today's a tweener day between lab work and my oncology consultation. Tomorrow I'll find out the results of my xrays and CT scan. I could probably call around for results today, but I'm not going to for two reasons. One, I can't really do much with the info. The oncologist will put everything into context, and explain my treatment. Knowing bits and pieces of info from the labs really won't be very useful. The second reason is that I'm scared. If the results are less than spectacular, I don't want to find out about them without being able to ask the oncologist what they mean. It would be easy to let something distract me from my goal of beating this thing.

i'm sure that I'll need to get used to fighting this thing at a different pace than I'd like. If I had my preference, I'd already have surgery done, and be onto chemo. I hate the idea of letting this thing live a single extra day before attacking it. But I'm an amateur at this; the doctors are the professionals who have been through this time after time. As long as they're as committed to killing this thing, I'm on board 100%. But if I get any sense of negativity or complacence, I'm going to kick some butt.

Love,

Cj