The Long and Winding Road

Today was my last infusion. The next four weeks I'll have my routine bloodwork done at the clinic, then Dr. Pitsch will remove my portacath. After that I have a two month hiatus until I meet with Dr. Greene for a CEA (DNA) test. I'll have a CT scan done around the same time, and then it's a matter of waiting until October for my follow-up colonoscopy. I'll have to have those annually for 5 years, just to keep an eye on things.

As I was receiving my infusion, I tried to remember all that had happened throughout this eight month odyssey, and realized that "chemo-brain" has made it really hard to remember specific details. Traumatic days, like diagnosis and surgery stand out, but other days have started to blur together. I'm really glad that I started this journal, so that I can go back and stitch the pieces into a coherent quilt. I don't know if I'll ever try and make it into a book for the public; partially because I'm not sure that anyone else would be interested, partially because it's private, but primarily because I want to put this all behind me as quickly as possible.

Writing a complete journal ala Neil Peart's Ghostrider seems awfully intimidating, but part of me realizes that I still have a lot of coping to deal with. A lot of the stuff I went through I didn't really deal with, just put it aside for a later date. Whether I need to revisit those things, I don't know. Introspection can be healthy at times, but too much of a good thing at other times.

love,

Cj