The finish in sight

I'm almost halfway through this final round of chemo. It's been no better or worse than the previous from a physical standpoint, but from a mental one, much tougher. I just want to finish and put it all behind me. I'll have routine bloodwork done the next four weeks, and have my portacath removed on the 29th. Then I have a big layoff until May when I meet with the oncologist again, and have a CT scan done.

I'm down to 167lbs now, and though I used to hate being overweight, I hate being this skinny. I'll probably put a lot of the weight back on since I eat so well, but I'm just too skinny.

I don't know how patients with more serious cancers deal with this, where they are perpetually on chemo. I don't know that I'd have the strength to undergo a permanent chemo regimen. There's not much alternative, but when I read about folks in their 70's who have been on chemo for years, I simply shake my head.

That's the insidious thing about cancer. Other than the obvious symptoms, I was in no discomfort, no pain. I could have blissfully went on living in complete ignorance until it killed me. I'm sure it would have manifested itself in other ways at it progressed, but it's hard to reconcile what the cancer was like compared to the treatment.

love,

Cj