Is this really happening?

Each time I visit the radiation center, or the infusion center upstairs, I'm struck by the appearance of so many of the patients undergoing treatment. Most are elderly, and few look healthy. I know that's a silly thing to say about someone with cancer, but each time I go, I see someone who makes me ask myself if this is really happening to me? Will I become like they are? Or is it just that cancer is more likely to afflict the elderly in our society?

I used to get upset seeing children with cancer on TV. It struck me as so unfair that someone so vulnerable could be stricken with such a wicked illness. I guess I never gave much thought to how hard it must be for the elderly to take. Kids are amazingly resilient, whereas elderly people often lack the stamina that youth provides. I guess I'm fortunate to be going through this at my age where I feel strong, and don't feel like my body is really failing me.

Part of me doesn't want the people I love to see the infusion center, for fear of their fear. But then I see the family members who come to lend support to the patients, and realize that there may be times that I need their support. That there will be times that I'm not as strong as I once was, that I need a hand to hold or a kind smile. I'm not good at accepting help, much less seeking it out, so it will be an interesting journey. Fortunately, my wife often has a better understanding of what I need than I do.

love,

Cj